This is my very first post… on my third blog. I swear this one is going to stick. I’m inspired. I have direction. Third time’s a charm and all that.
The hardest part for me has been finding something to write. I’ve always got something to say- just ask my husband. But something existed between me and the keypad that would totally shut off my brain. I think maybe the pressure of wit and experience and celebrity of established blogs gave me performance anxiety. Or maybe it was reading those blogs that kept me busy from engaging my own. Whatever is was, I’m energetic and unafraid now. Finger to the keys, I’ve found my voice.
Have you ever felt thunder. Like, literally rumble your bones? I did. A few weeks ago we went camping in our new Minnie, daring the view-hindering smoke from several fires. We ended up somewhere around 10,000 feet elevation. And it stormed. In the middle of a drought. I saw and heard lightning hit the rock mountain top just across the ravine from us. I could smell it. Lightning hit, I counted, “One, t-” thunder rolled. It was close. Miraculously, my 18 month-old daughter and 3 year-old son slept through the whole thing. Maybe it was because they weren’t the ones sleeping 6 inches under the tin roof that hail was bound to impale. All I did was pray we wouldn’t die. I prayed the roads wouldn’t explode. I knew lightning bolts were systematically wiping out the highway. Then my husband rolled over and opened his mouth.
He started talking about how “God is so powerful” and how “even this little storm is just the crack of a knuckle to Him.” I immediately felt 7 years old. He talked about how unfathomable it will be to stand in His presence. The Creator of lightning and thunder. I fell in love with my husband again (this happens a lot, he’s very wonderful), and then I felt sheer awe. I was awed by God and his fierce creation. It felt as though the storm brought me closer to Him. I was out of my comfortable, well-managed environment and in his completely enveloping mercy. I was humbled.
In the morning, the ground was covered in white. And the sky was completely clear and the purest blue. It was the most beautiful trip I have ever been on. Continual awe. Thank you, God! I realize there are many reasons why I am odd. But there is only One by whom I’m “awed.”
This is my voice- this path that I’m walking and the tribe at my side. The process of learning and failing and succeeding and changing. Most of all, it’s about the God that’s moving me.